The Hank Williams/ Lynn Coker Incident

by yARN pUNK

Well the Ole’ Hank bit took me back….

….to a particular night in Amsterdam
when, for whatever crazy ass reason, my mother allowed her, then brother in law of 20 years past, (one of Larkin’s 10 brothers), who had just lost his job at the CDC for being a complete drunken cluster fuck of a lanky artist, who was fatally trapped in, I’m sure what was one of the most redneck, of southern Georgia’s redneck families. Yep, straight outta BIBB CITY, Ga. not Columbus, but worse! Right outta the Five Points vicinity of Bibb City, which is located in Columbus! For anyone who cares a bit! Any way, I believe you may have met him once. He was the only of 11 boys and 5 girls, who did not, A.) carry a switchblade.with which to defend the family business, which was , of course, the art of being a redneck pool shark or the wife of a redneck pool shark……
The point is….My mom had the only Coker offspring in history to have done ANYTHING besides sit in Bibb City hell until time comes to and end, and who actually became, of all things, an ARTIST for the CDC in Atlanta, although he was STILL a DRUNKEN SOT OF AN ARTIST FOR THE CDC IN ATLANTA!
Okay, Okay…here it is…… My mom, who allowed him to come for this visit, was not even IN Amsterdam yet, allthough my soon to be step dad, Guther, his ex-girl friend/ wife of my mom’s one time boyfriend back in a small town called Catalla, GA, also located outside of Columbus, along with THEIR child, whom he had not seen since birth, AND Larkin’s drunkard brother, Lynn, and I were all living next door to one of Amsterdam’s most notorious Hell’s Angels’, and his infamous Call girl to the noble men of Hollands’ girl friend, who by the way was called Rusche.
She had these awesome leather pants that zipped all the way around, and a pair of the coolest lace-up/zippered thigh high boots I have ever in my life seen!
Well Robbi and Rusche had taken us ALL, in their antique Jaguar, out on a dinner venture to this unbelievably small”hole in the wall” Portuguese resurant where I ate the most wonderfully prepared seafood “steamer” which I can only come close to describing by giving the insult of comparing it to an Italian “chiopino”. The food was accompanied by a homemade  Vino Verde that was so impressive to my 11 year old palate, that I am to this day in my 40th year of life, in love with Portuguese food, as well as a fondness of most any Vino Verde.
The festivities lasted until just before the sun was scheduled to rise on the Amstel Kracht.
This was not only the canal wherin our houseboats rocked side by side, but it housed the brewery of a couple of the world’s most famous Dutch beers; Heineken, and , of course Amstel Beir.
Which brings me right back to my reasons for writing this story;
ole’ Lynn Coker had had himself a grand time that evening, oh with the Vino and the other assortment of mind altering party favors Amsterdam has to offer up on an evening with such a festive nature, we were all trying to steady ole’ Lynn accross the plank leading across the RANK and poluted waters from the street onto our houseboat.
He was, meanwhile, oblivious to any of us, or the raunchy waters, as he bellowed out that old Hank tune:
Ya Hyere that lonesum whhhiperwheel…
iyt sayunds tu blu tu criii,
Thayat midnyte trane’s rollin bi…
Iii’m sa lonesum I culd criiiii…
Just as I had decided I felt badly for him, as they were all laughing at him, and making fun, I did the only thing a true redneck girl could have done under those circumstances…..
I chimed right on in with ole’ Lynn Coker!
But just as I did…, God bless his Redneck heart, he fell face first into that murky, stinky, highly polluted canal in Amsterdam.
I was left there with him. His head bobbing in and out of the water, STILL singing every verse, to pull him outta there.
I remember everyone sitting down to brunch as we finally came staggering through the doors…
I remember the 11 year old thought in my head to this day.
Good thing it took me this long to get him outta that stinkin’ water; cause now we got to ruin brunch for you at least!
I bet that stench lingers at the doorway of their boat to this day!
At least I pray it does!
I also hope Lynn is still living, pickled liver and all.
Hell he might be at P.J. Haley’s playin’ darts!

I love you Dad!
Sorry my stories are always so long!
Nite nite!
Ro